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this year i got transferred into the ICU department. for those who dont know. ICU stands for intensive care unit. for those who still dont understand. thats the department for really really sick patients who are unstable and need a nurse watching over them at all times. for example, patients will go there after a major surgery. and i just want to say, for all those smartypants people who want to get into medicine. you should all go and check out ICU. you just may rethink your future afterwards. even if i try to describe it, it's nothing like seeing it first hand. all the patients are hooked up to at least three machines. some of them are on life support. coughing. wheezing. one lady has a machine hooked up to her throat breathing for her.
its so devastating. the sight of all that freaked me out the first time i stepped in. today was my first official work day, yesterday i was in for training. because it is ICU afterall, every five or ten minutes there are charts, results from labs, radiology, xrays etc. spewing out. and i have to take them and file them in their respective binders. these binders happen to be placed at the end of each bed where the nurse can easily reach them.
so i was putting the radiology results into one of the patients binders.
a visitor was with him. a lady.
and just like in the movies...
she saw me and asked "are you working the night shift?"
"no, i'm a volunteer"
"oh"
she turns back to her loved one. and says
"open your eyes for me. look at me. open your eyes. please"
she pleads him
the patient wheezes
she's holding his hand
she tries again
"squeeze my hand. common...squeeze my hand"
she looks like she's about to cry
i say "it's okay. he's going to be okay." smile.
"i hope so..."
i go to the next bed. but the curtains are drawn and i see a nurse inside. i figured she must be doing some sort of procedure with him. i dont know if im supposed to go in or not. so i return to the nursing station. sandra (the secretary) sees me and asks me what im stuck with. i show her the papers.
she says calmly
"oh. he's dead"
0.0 im stunned.
my first day on the job and already i've faced a death.
of course the nurses and doctors there have become..."accustomed"...and they live on.
then i know for sure i cant become on of them.
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